Ode To The Mamas!

Tuesday already, huh?!

I know my fellow Execumamas are busy raising amazing babies...

keeping our homes (somewhat) in order...

catering to our families' nutritional needs...

 
keeping our significant others smiling--or in the case of my single Execumamas, embracing ourselves just as we are, and not feeling that we need a life partner to be validated...

blogging our butts off...

 reminding ourselves to practice self love...

(image credit)

and so much more! But remember, in all that you're doing, celebrate yourself, because it's all about ...

CLICK THE SLICED BREAD IMAGE FOR 7 REMINDERS OF YOUR AWESOMENESS!

Have a fantastic week!!

Our Daughters, Their Friends, and "Beyond Scared Straight"

I was a girl once, and now I'm raising two girls, who have friends that are also girls, and um...some girls—hell, most girls—aren't made of sugar and spice.

Like every other mother, I fully intend to raise responsible, conscionable, morally sound women. However, they get to choose who and how they will be, and sometimes, we choose to act like outside of the ways we know will serve us best. 

Click here for a 30-minute snippet of A&E's Beyond Scared Straight.

It makes my blood boil to think about how must potential is wasted on fake "Betty Badassness", and how some of our girls lack the access to the attention and resources that will steer them away from these types of behaviors.

Consequences can be eye opening, and Kris and I try not to shield our daughters from them too much, lest they get the idea that the world will love, nurture, and forgive them no matter what.  It is in that vein of reasoning that I chose to say yes to the request to share this video with you.  The truth is, any of these girls could've been OUR GIRLS, and so I care.  There's a 2-minute clip below, and I want to know what you think about this video.

Are you wondering about their mamas? Or whether these girls were not supervised, or if their fathers aren't in the home, or if they're just bad apples?  I think even the best parents can somehow churn out a girl gone wild. So, I try not to judge (emphasis on TRY), and I do my best by offering my time, attention, and love to the girls in my home, and those in my circle.

The series premieres Thursday, January 13 at 10PM ET/PT with a special 90-minute episode at a women’s prison in central California.

About “Beyond Scared Straight”:

Produced by Arnold Shapiro, “Beyond Scared Straight” profiles the new approach to keeping today’s teens from becoming tomorrow’s prisoners. The power of the original Scared Straight! program has inspired dozens of inmate-run intervention programs in men’s and women’s prisons across the country. In many dramatic ways, these 21st Century programs are very different, because today’s youth need a different approach – a combination of confrontation, information and communication to try to reach these at-risk kids. These youthful offender programs put boys and girls of all ethnicities and backgrounds, ranging in age from 11-18, into intensive one-day in-prison sessions that show them the realities of life behind bars.

In the special 90-minute premiere episode, five at-risk teenaged girls get a close-up look at Valley State Prison for Women in Chowchilla, CA. In addition to the grueling day that’s planned, the prison has arranged for an extended stay - a total of 72-hours in prison - for the teens if they can’t convince the inmates they’re going to make positive changes in their lives.

Each 60-minute episode of “Beyond Scared Straight” will focus on a different prison program in the U.S., following 4 -5 at-risk teens. Viewers will follow them as they attend the program, experience their intensive one-day in-prison session and then follow up with them one-month later to see the lasting impressions the program has left on them.

Networking 101: Be memorable

I was officially bitten by the blog conference bug after my Blogalicious experience last year.  Dude, it was in South Beach, aaaand I met some of the most impressive, funny, smart, fly women in the blogosphere.  Seriously, it was 17 kinds of awesome, and I most definitely shall return!

I had business cards to give out during Blogalicious, and that was cool and all, but this year, I'm gettin' all fancy with it and bringing other leave-behinds.  And since my arsenal of DIY talents does not include engraving, I'm shopping around for great deals on customized promotional items to be all "BAM!" when I meet more cool Blogesses (Blog + Goddesses, get iiiiiit?) in 2011.

 

That's where Amsterdam Printing comes in.  Yep, I plan to get my promo on at a larger scale this year—how about you?  Are you realizing just how much you have to offer?  Are you ramping up on your business efforts by networking even more in 2011?  If so, starting simple, say with promotional pens and great business cards, may be a good start.  I'm really digging the laser engraved pens right now! #Coolness  I'm also stalking their desktop/office options because I am motivated by the reminders in my home office that scream "You're doing it, Akilah! Just keep going!"

So, whether you use promotional items as leave-behinds when you're networking, or to serve as your in-office pep team, reminding you that you are living your dream as a self-employed mama, perhaps Amsterdam Printing may offer some cost-effective options to help you strut your stuff!

This post is brought to you by AmsterdamPrinting.com

Do We Need Both Parents To Be Our Best?

Raise your hand if you grew up without your father being a consistent presence in your life?

Sucks, doesn't it?  Unfortunately, I grew up with my dad sort of playing dodge ball with my existence and my dad-specific needs.  Fortunately though, we've figured each other out, and he is in my life in a way that suits us both.  I have learned to move past most of the toxic and unproductive stuff that use to parade around in my mind when the thought of him surfaced, and I'm a better woman through it.

Here's the thing: I keep hearing all over the place—both statistically and in the word-on-the-street realms—that dads being absent is an epidemic that continues to rise.  I know that the issues therein aren't all about men who don't want to do what's right, because let's be real, there are women who trap men into parenthood, then expect them to be something different because a child is born.  Yet and still, there is a blaring gap between the instance when a man and a woman decide to have sex, and the work it takes to make their relationship work, particularly when a child is involved.  Being that this "gap" is a reality in our society, do we continue to push for relationships that don't work, or do we re-evaluate ourselves and our community to see how we can best serve the children that fall within the "Fatherless" category?

"We have to stop thinking of the mother, the father, the two children, the white picket fence as the norm,” she says, and that in many families an absent father is “not necessarily perceived as a negative thing.” Andrea Litvack, Professor of Social Work, University of Toronto.

I pulled that quote from an interesting post about Absent Dads and Hollywood Depictions over at The Globe and Mail, and I agree with her statement.  If the reality is one thing, and our preference is another, work has to be done to get from impasse to action.  I am not saying that we as a society should accept deadbeat dads who pop in and out of their children's lives.  I'm also not saying that we should ignore the reasons that drive these statistics, because some of the reasons aren't about the men, but about a) women and b) a system designed to alienate and isolate certain men (and yes, by that I do mean Black men).  What I AM saying, is that the following elements may be worth factoring into the equation:

a) A household without a father isn't automatically doomed to fail or churn out ill-prepared and under-loved children.
b) A child can have the support of both parents, even if they are not under the same roof
c) If a relationship is not working—particularly if there is abuse (emotional or otherwise) involved, then it may be best for the child not to have dad and mom together trying to look like Cliff and Claire Cosby, when they're really more like Ike and Tina Turner.

Yes, it is ideal, preferred, and refreshing when our children can be in a household where they have full access to the essential elements that mothers and fathers bring.  Now that I'm a mother, I can only imagine how frustrating and difficult it was for my mother to raise all three of us with little support (financial or otherwise) from our father.  However, by using the village philosophy (enlisting the help of vetted family and friends), and spending time with our children, we can do our best to raise well-rounded, happy, and healthy children, even when daddy's not a part of the equation. 


What are your thoughts on fathers in the household?

Because if Betty White is OUT, then...

Fine, many elements of Pop Culture wouldn't exactly stand the test of scrutiny for depth, and are best  taken with several grains of course salt (read: all in good fun), but when folks start ragging on accomplished women who manage to maintain sound (and brilliantly entertaining) reputations that spans decades, that's when I quit with the hardy-hars and get real serious, real fast.  Why? Because Betty White is as IN as it gets!!

 That said...

I just invented the You Betta SPEAK Award, and Big Dawnn is the first recipient, for realz!

In her fan-freaking-tastic post, appropriately entitled "Eff Yo' List", Dawnn is serving up a heaping dose of Let's Be Real, sprinkled with the perfect hint of Say Something Else and Watch Me Flip! #LOOOOOVEIT!!!!

The reason Dawnn's post resonated with me (apart from the fact that I, like most others, am drawn to minimally filtered writing) is because I share her frustration with the predictable and shallow voices out there that are successful in telling droves of folks what they should be wearing, why they're not cool enough for whateverdahell, and why they suck big time if they don't fit into whatever box is hot that season.  Hell, even the "different" people are starting to all look the same.

I got all the way raucous while reading her In/Out list--so much so, I decided to do my own!

OUT: Fear of being viewed as thinking you're better than someone else because you are comfortable with yourself

IN: Freedom to shine your particular light, and be proud of the person you are
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OUT: The whole Natural Hair Snob movement where naturalistas screwface sisters with perms

IN: Minding your fuhrikking business, and doing what works for YOU.
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OUT: Information withholding for wanting to see someone else "tough it out like you did"

IN: Collaborations with other amazing people with whom you can learn, grow, and even make dough!
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OUT: That fake ass disingenuous "happy marriage" pretense under which many couples live and suffer.

IN: Honest conversations between men and women about what each of us want/need
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OUT: Constantly allowing others to guilt me into spending time with them on the phone, in person, or helping with whatever new drama that has unfolded in their lives

IN: Quality time for SELF
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OUT: Constant guilt about what I eat, why I didn't exercise, and how skinny "she" looks

IN: Healthy minds and bodies that feel free to occasionally indulge and enjoy their lives
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OUT: Never moving forward due to the "what if I mess up" premise (been there!!!)

IN: Diving in and figuring it out as I go
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OUT: Children in or near my master bedroom after 7:59PM on a weekday

IN: Late-night DVD, popcorn, and brownie fests with the hubs
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OUT: Fakin' the funk like you're in support of someone, when really you're a hater

IN: Highlighting and celebrating the amazing people I meet



--Okay, let me back away from this here MacBook before I start getting un-Execumamalike...

WELL....WHAT'S ON YOUR IN/OUT LIST???