Vajazzled? More like bewildered!

Okay, why didn't you guys tell me about this one?  In a sense, all forms of adornment, piercings, tattoos, etc., are not necessary, but more so about self-expression and personal/cultural/society ideas of beauty.  I'm not knocking the right to do what feels good, I'm just saying I reaaaaaally don't get this one.  Is it safe?  Check it out and tell me if you'd get Vajazzled.

Self-Love by way of Stretch Marks

Hello, my name is Akilah, and I have stretch marks. Lots and lots of stretch marks.

I'm so grateful to my bloggy homegirl Ms. Bar B over at Notes to Emma for her beautifully inspiring post.  Maybe it's because I work from this insanely wonderful Macbook Pro, but somehow I was able to draw strength, right through my screen, from Ms. Bar B's insight and perspective.  Now I'm sharing my battle scars with the freakin universe, because dammit, they exist, and I'm so frustrated and truth be told, ashamed about the angst they cause me every time I see them.

I call them my battle scars because the journey to motherhood was not a given for me.  I had a myomectomy to remove eight large fibroid tumors when I was 25 years old.  Because of the size of the fibroids and where they rested in my uterus, my doctor had to do quite a bit of slicin' and dicin' to get those bad boys out.  He explained to me that because of the incisions, though I'd likely have no trouble getting pregnant, staying pregnant would be another issue altogether.  He wasn't sure whether my sliced uterus would be able to manage the weight of a fetus past the first trimester.

I got a second opinion.  They concurred with my surgeon.  I was devasted, but after several talks with Kris about the meaning of family, and after his insistence that we are complete together, and he could have children with anyone, but he'd rather have me if there had to be a choice, I settled into the idea that adoption was in fact an option, and that I was blessed to have my health.

Well, six years and two successful pregnancies later, Marley and Sage-Niambi are in da buildin', and so are my numerous and permanent battle scars.  Oddly enough, after my first pregnancy, I had only a few marks.  Oh, but when Gangsta Boo (aka Sage) left the scene, she left her marks, quite literally! 

After I read Ms. Bar B's post, I got all excited about doing my own You Have Lines post. But a day went by, and I punked out, thinking "Hello, what the hell?! Why would you put yourself out there like that and show your ugly belly?'  And then I cried.

• I cried because I had been referring to a part of my own self as ugly.  
• I cried because I have daughters, and I would move mountains to make sure they didn't beat up on themselves for any reason, especially not one that stemmed from such beautiful journeys, their births.  
• I cried because I am their teacher, and they see right through me, so how dare I practice anything other than full-on self love!  

Then I remembered that I'm human, and that I have the opportunity to re-train myself in a way that best suits my fullest version of self.  I'm in pretty good shape, I exercise at least twice per week, and I'm healthy.  I will redirect my thoughts from judgment to appreciation.  This post is the start of that, and so it needs to be shared.

So tell me, have you been judging your battle scars?  What about your big butt, or your little butt, or your skinny ankles, or your less-than-perfect skin, or your crooked teeth, or your inability to solve mathematical equations...etc, etc.  Transition from judgment to appreciation with me today, won't you?

WINNER: YOU SAVED ME: A Tyler New Media Sponsored Giveaway!

WINNER UPDATE: T.Allen-Mercado, aka Tameka the Queen Bee of Tea & Honey Bread is the lucky winner of the YOU SAVED ME DVD from the creators of BlackandMarriedWithKids.com!  Congrats, Tameka!
 

Thank you to all of you who shared your beautiful love stories.  Keep 'em coming, and tell them as often as you can, because you know there aren't enough good love stories going around!

----
Marriages and saving have always gone hand-in-hand: Saving for the kids' college fund, saving money for when you grow old together, and saving your children from a life of mediocrity or worse! But what about the lesser-sung "Save" in many marriages? You know the one: That "Save" that speaks of how you and he save each other every day by creating a safe space to come home to, a listening ear to download the ills of the day, and the ultimate saving reminder that you and he are loved, cared for, and appreciated.

For me, it's such a beautiful sentiment to sit, ponder and discuss the ways that Kris and I saved each other, often willingly, but sometimes blissfully unaware of each other's magic. It makes me giddy a little, and I LOVE that Ronnie and Lamar Tyler, Essence bloggers and creators of BlackandMarriedWithKids.com, have graced the screens with a set of magical tales in their own right, made all the more fantastic by the fact that these tales are REAL. The story-tellers on this DVD speak of their mutual "Saves" in such a way that transcends race, nationality, and age. Simply put, this film is a series of beautifully told love stories that honor the core of marriage. Go ahead, have a sneak peek:



I knooowwww, riiiight?! *Deep sighs* If this were any sweeter, I'd get two cavities! When could the world NOT use another beautiful love story to counter all the harshness that surrounds us? Well, not only am I sharing this sneak peek with you today, I'd actually like to GIVE YOU A FREE COPY OF THE DVD (You'll have to get your own Kleenex though) TO WATCH AND ENJOY! You'll love it, I'm sure, so go ahead and CLICK HERE to order your DVD at a discounted price up until the official release date of March 29, 2010.

What's more, it's coming to a city near you--YES! Do something wonderful today and spread the word about a inspirational film that reminds us that real love does in fact exist, and can be preserved, honored, and even celebrated. You Saved Me premiers in 25 cities this weekend. CLICK HERE for a full listing of cities.

Want a good cry and a reminder of how many ways love can R-O-C-K? ENTER TO WIN ONE FREE COPY OF YOU SAVED ME here on Execumama Online by:

Leaving a comment below about how someone you love has saved you in some way.  Be sure to leave your email address in your comment so I can contact you should you win.

That's all!  I'll also be giving away another copy over at Execumama.com, so hop on over and enter than one too if you'd like.

The winner will be announced on this blog on Saturday, March 27, 2010.  Good luck!

*Disclaimer: I was provided a complimentary copy of the referenced DVD.  No other compensation (monetary or otherwise) was or will be received by me.

Dear Veteran Parents: A "Five More" Friday Post

Okay, since I was fortunate enough to gain some insight (and a whole lotta high-fives!) from this last set of questions, I thought I'd throw a few more head-scratchers in the ring to see if any of you can lend a hand by way of your infinite wisdom and always-welcome humor!

5 More Questions To Which I Must Get Answers (and some for which I'll likely need counseling)

Dear Veteran Parents,

1. Is there a particular face I can make or signal I can display to ward off unsolicited advice from other parents who apparently know better than I how to raise my children?  One example in response to the alarming finding that we raise our children on a vegetarian-diet: "Oh no! Those children need meat for protein! You can't just feed them nuts and berries all the time."

2. If our 6-year-old daughter insists on an explanation for how babies get into their mom's tummies—citing that Kris' and my explanation thus far "just doesn't make sense"—how the hell do I explain the details without really explaining THE details?

3. Is it secretly allowed to pinch the arm of, or at least threaten to drown the favorite doll of a little girl who insists on being mean to your child at the playground? I'm certainly not saying I would consider such things--not at all.  I'm asking for my friend, Makilah Nichards.

4. Um, is there an emergency iPhone app for "Woosah" that can be called up any time one of my children tries to act brand new in front of company?

5. Am I fooling myself or can one actually love her children more than life itself AAAAND be more frustrated, puzzled, and oftentimes frightened by them at the same time?

And a bonus (one Makilah insisted I added in case someone out there in Blogville has the actual answer): When is someone too old for my friend Makilah to yell "Bite me!" in response to their adamant assertions that my her child shouldn't have locs, or is probably cold in that shirt, or needs to sit down and be quiet?

...Okay, people...don't fall over each other reaching for the home keys.

Waiting with baited breath,
Akilah

oh, and Makilah too, of course!

WINNER! Disney's The Princess & the Frog DVD Set Giveaway!

This is a pretty good win, ya gotta admit!  The 3-Disc Blu-Ray combo pack of Disney's The Princess and the Frog!  Your little princes and princesses are going to F-L-I-P when they watch this!  As a reminder, the 3-disc set comes with all kindsa fancy-schmanciness, including:  

Backstage Disney

Magic In The Bayou: The Making of A Princess — Co-writers and directors John Musker and Ron Clements take a freewheeling, behind-the-scenes look at the making of Disney’s newest animated film as it grows from an initial concept to a lavish animated film set in the enchanting world of New Orleans and the surrounding bayous.

The Return To Hand Drawn Animation, The Disney Legacy, Disney’s Newest Princess, The Princess and the Animator, Conjuring The Villain, A Return To The Animated Musical, Bringing Life to Animation with an introduction by John Musker and Ron Clements, Deleted Scenes introduced by the filmmakers, Art Galleries — A collection of storyboard art traces the visual development of The Princess and the Frog’s rich gallery of characters and settings.

But um...all except one of my awesome readers will need to go out and grab this set on their own—a pretty sweet investment considering the serious ROI by way of your baby's Happy Factor—because there can be only one winner.   And that winner is...

Why I love all my children, but still keep favorites

Confession:  I love ALL my children, but I do have favorites.

How many children did you have before you were relatively certain you couldn't handle, er...make that didn't want to have any more?  For me, that number was one.  Then it was two.  These days, I look around in awe of the fact that I somehow managed to end up with four babies, and though I have to admit I love the first two immeasurably more than the youngest two, I do love them all dearly.  All four babies came from my womb, and I continue to nurture them with everything I have to offer.

Our first two babies are our favorites, hands down, and they will always be more important to us than the other two.  We have zero qualms about saying that, and if you experienced the presence and light of these two blessings, you'd SO understand why.

Then came our third, we call him Voz Visual, and technically, he was our second baby, since his birthday is in June of 2004.  He was sent to us as a means for Kris to pour his creative energy into something of his own, and this baby continues to allow us to help our clients flourish by creating a presence that reflects their best selves.

Our youngest daughter, technically conceived in 2003 while I was pregnant with our first child (how's that for mind-boggling?), didn't actually come to life until 2009.  I wrote a book about her in 2006, and published it in 2007, but she's a slow and steady bloomer, so she took her time to stand upright, and we simply facilitated her growth the best we could.  Her name is Execumama Enterprises, and as is often true of the youngest, she packs a punch! Baby girl is the mouthpiece of this operation, and though she's been out of the house a few times from some pretty wonderful projects, such as Face/Forward's Speed Networking and BlogLive: Atlanta, she has alerted her dad and me that she's ready to step out on her own, and she's doing so with a project called With Mom in Mind™.

As with all my children, I'm really particular about who they play with, and we screen their playmates with Pentagon-level details!! This friend, a deliciously inspiring personal chef and rising domestic Goddess, was hand-picked for partnership, and I'm honored to bring the Naturi Beauty brand of sunshine to this project.  With Mom in Mind™ is aimed at arming our fellow veteran and eventual mommies with the tools they need to nurture a mindset of empowerment.  This means helping moms at all stages of motherhood to integrate life-saving elements such as healthy meal preparation, fitness, and mental health into their daily decisions.  We call it a Fusion approach—the anti-escape mentality, if you will—to counter the need to periodically "escape" the throes of motherhood.  With the help of our personal chef, our life coach, and our fitness instructor, we'll help each other to nourish, nurture, and grow our fullest versions of SELF!

Come share with us on April 24th! If you're in Atlanta, perfect -- you can sign up here.  If you're not, we're no more than a drive or a plane ride away, and we know you can use what we're offering, so let's rethink our approach to motherhood!  Get your hubby to "sponsor" your entrance to this event, or sponsor a stressed-out Mama as a great gift!  Any way you take it, it's time well spent, so let's spend a few hours with the professionals, and leave with a new perspective.

Disney's The Princess and the Frog 3-disc Blue-ray Combo Giveaway!

I know there's at least one little princess in your life who would do triple backflips at the news that the Princess and the Frog DVD hits the streets today!!  Is it your daughter?  Your favorite niece?  Your god-daughter who you swear looks more like you than she does her own Mama?  Well, here's how you can put an even bigger smile on her face than usual.  WIN her a copy of Disney's The Princess and the Frog 3 Disc Combo Pack (valued at $44.99), courtesy of Execumama Online!  Have you seen how many of these are being given away online?  Enter 'em all, rack up, and be the talk of the town among the princesses in your circle!!

To win one here (U.S. residents only), simply leave a comment below telling me one precious thing about a princess in your life.  Easy, right?  

Want an extra entry?  Subscribe to Execumama.com, and celebrate the once-princesses (now Queens) that we are! 

**You must leave a separate comment for each entry below**  The winner will be chosen by my youngest li'l princess (pull-a-name-from-a-hat style) and we'll announce our winner on Friday, March 19th.  Woo-hoo!  

The Blu-ray Combo Pack edition comes with additional bonus features, including:

Backstage Disney

·         Magic In The Bayou: The Making of A Princess — Co-writers and directors John Musker and Ron Clements take a freewheeling, behind-the-scenes look at the making of Disney’s newest animated film as it grows from an initial concept to a lavish animated film set in the enchanting world of New Orleans and the surrounding bayous.

·         The Return To Hand Drawn Animation
·         The Disney Legacy
·          Disney’s Newest Princess
·         The Princess and the Animator
·         Conjuring The Villain
·         A Return To The Animated Musical
·          Bringing Life to Animation with an introduction by John Musker and Ron Clements.
·         Deleted Scenes introduced by the filmmakers
·         Art Galleries — A collection of storyboard art traces the visual development of The Princess and the Frog’s rich gallery of characters and settings.

TV One premiers behind-the-scenes reality show about another Execumama!

LisaRaye McCoy on TV One?  I don't knoooowww...I may have to watch this particular Execumama with one eye closed, for fear of the Hot Mess + Bourghetto factors, but I can't even front like I won't be watching.  Dude, say what you want about LisaRaye McCoy, but this is a working mother/actress/entrepreneur with a tenacious spirit, and an I-don't-give-a-damn-what-you-say-about-me attitude that apparently works for her on some level.



McCoy got on my radar recently with her "I am Gold Digger, Hear me roar!" spiel in the latest issue of Essence magazine.  I wrote about it over on my main site, and would love to hear your two cents.  Oh, and if you're so inclined, please consider subscribing to execumama.com for resources, inspiration, special invitations, and of course, to share your particular brand of sunshine.  Okay, back to the Gold Digger discussion!!

Women and Guns: Great idea or Risky Business?

Shots were fired.  Bullet casings littered the floor.  My adrenaline levels spiked, while my shoulders raised in an instinctive attempt to protect my ears.  I wasn't afraid and I wasn't in danger.  Instead, all I was...was thrilled!

My brother (@DigitalTalker) took me shooting last week, and it was my first time firing a gun.  I have to admit, I was definitely feeling all New York Undercover in the shooting range as I loaded up my rented Ruger somethingorother and Glock noisythingy.  Of course, once my Tourret-like fits of yelling "Kiss the pavement, fool!" and "Oooh, I wish you would!" got old, I thought of my daughters, and whether I'd want them playing Detective Nina Moreno up in someone's shooting range and gun shop.



I've known of so many instances of children and adults dying or being injured as a result of accidental gun firings, and all I can think is how I could never forgive myself if one of our daughters found a gun we had in the home and ended up hurting themselves or each other.  I mean, look how much trouble I had with the clip thingie?  So much for my Betty Badass persona! My brother did an excellent job of coaching, didn't he? He might've saved my life--real talk! Love you, bro!

What are your thoughts?  Are guns in the home a necessary evil or a bad decision?

Photo credit

Single Moms CAN & DO Raise Amazing People!

Have you seen this powerfully positive little girl? A ten year old entrepreneur with a mom who supports her dreams--these are the stories that need to grace our magazine pages and get featured on the news!   Hopefully this is not news to you, but for some, the idea of a single mom actually paying attention to her child is the stuff of imaginations gone wild.  Having been raised by a single mother, and knowing just how much one woman can positively impact a child's life, I had to use my li'l space on the Web to share Amiya and her mother's story.  I originally saw this video on what I find to be one of the most informative networks in which I participate, and I'm so happy to share Amiya's story with my fellow Execumamas!



Oh, and did I mention she shares the same name as my beautifully brilliant niece, Amayah?  Ah, yes! The sunshine factor is THICK in our world, and I'm so thankful for their Light!

ENJOY!

The VIEW on Menstruation: So, I have a period, calm down already!

The opinionated/sometimes hilarious/sometimes corny/always entertaining co-hosts of ABC's The View have a pretty interesting line up this week, but one topic in particular has my full attention!  Here's a hint: it's red, its appearances vary, and it's one of the most popular topics NOT to discuss...

As the mother of two girls, ages 6 and 4, I've already made the decision in my head NOT to handle the questions about menstruation the way my well-meaning grandmother did.

I remember being about seven years old and somehow overhearing talk about bleeding and Maxi pads during lunch time.  Of course, as soon as I got home, I asked my grandmother what in the world the girls were talking about, especially because Maxi was my uncle's name, and I was sure he wouldn't have purposely caused anyone to bleed.  Goodness, you would've thought I asked her whether the devil was friend of foe! Grandma flipped somethin' fierce, ran me out of her room, and all I could hear was something about me asking her foolishness and needing to be slapped -- yikes!!

Fortunately, my aunts (her daughters), pulled me aside and broke it on down so that my seven-year-old mind could process this new world of information about my fated encounters of the Red kind. Today, my daughters already know the basics of menstruation, (and they also know that their vaginas are called such, and not "stuff" or "vajayjay" or "down there" -- not judging, just sayin'!), and I think that's necessary.

So, at 11AM tomorrow, when Elissa Stein and Susan Kim chat it up with the co-hosts about their book, Flow: The Cultural History of Menstruation, I am all ears!

So, what do YOU think?  

Should talk of Big Red/Aunt Flo be reserved for a certain age where our children are concerned?

I am a participant in a Mom Central campaign for ABC Daytime and will receive a tote bag or other The View branded items to facilitate my review

What I learned from a Scary Little Black Girl

When the responses poured in, I braced myself for what I knew would inevitably occur: judgment. I’m a blogger, so I know that each time I share something, especially something related to my family, I open myself to the perspectives of others; some pleasant, some well-meaning, and others, well…honest, if nothing else. I appreciate them all though, because there is always an opportunity to learn from someone else, even when the lesson is as simple as: some people are jackasses, period. End of lesson.

As I read over the comments all the comment, include those on the many blog posts that stemmed from the video, I became re-energized about the importance of the conversation of race, especially among children, but also among adults. When it comes to issues of race relations, our lens are colored so differently, and understandably so; when you haven’t walked in someone’s shoes, and experienced life with the “norms” they face on a regular basis, it’s easy to promote the we’re-all-one philosophy. I’ve experienced the “lens variations” many times before, in conversations with my white colleagues and friends, and the comments on Marley’s video echoed a similar sentiment to those conversations: the idea that ignoring color and raising children to see each other as the same is the best way to handle the obvious differences in appearance about which our children will no doubt inquire, because in the end, the goal is to have them see each other as the same.

Here’s the thing: they are not the same. By that, I don’t mean that some are more special than others, or that some are better than others, nor do I mean they are inherently different in their basic ways. In many ways, they are very much the same, which is why I can (and do) have the same basic conversation with my mom-friends from all walks of life about the top issues that we face with our children. Tell me if I’m wrong: they don’t listen enough; they cop attitudes; they’re either always hungry or they don’t want what we’ve prepared; the little ones draw all over our walls and floors; they’re messy; …I could go on, and you’d probably keep nodding with the “Oh my goodness, yes!” face to match the nod, and we could meet up and swap similar stories over soy lattes, right? So yes, in some ways, all of our babies—black, brown, white, and all the other beautiful origins and blend therein—are the same.

You can read the rest of my post HERE, and if you're so inclined, share your perspectives.  Please keep in mind that ALL perspectives are welcome, and the point of all of this is to incite much-needed conversation, no matter how uncomfortable we get, because oftentimes, discomfort is a step toward growth.

Mommy Escapes: ABC's The View shows Don Cheadle some love!

There's nothing like a good book or a good movie at the end of a long day to help me zone out and start my release of that day's stressors.  Kris and I used sometimes do Emergency Movie Nights (EMNs) when a day is particularly hectic.  I know, we're such cornballs, but EMNs with some of our faves such as Super Bad, Matrix, The Nines, Love & Basketball (not really his fave, but so?), and anything with Don Cheadle in it, usually does the trick for us.

So imagine the grin on my face when I read The View's line up for this week and saw that Don Cheadle would be dropping by!! SCORE! He is one of the most under-rated actors of our era, I swear it!  Dude is nice with his, and people are sleepin' on him! Have you not seen Devil in a Blue Dress?  Talk to Me?  Rosewood?  Hotel Rwanda?  Traitor?  Helloooo?? Is this thing on? Madness!!  Check out his IMDB stats here.  He's brilliant, and dude can rock a british accent like nobody's business too! Um, that's like 500 extra cool points right there!!

Anyhoo, check him out, along with Wesley Snipes (another brilliant actor, though I'm not sure what's up with him and the whole tax evasion fiasco??) this Friday at 11AM EST.  I'm sure they'll be promoting Brooklyn's Finest, which looks to be a pretty decent flick.

Are you a Don Cheadle-ite like I am?  If not, HOW COME, YO?! *Smiles*

Disclosure: I am a participant in a Mom Central campaign for ABC Daytime and will receive a tote bag or other The View branded items to facilitate my review.

Hot Mama Society: This Month's My, She's Fly!

Hola Mamas!

Have you seen this month's My, She's Fly?  I'm telling you, this is one of the greatest aspects of my journey, because by shining a spotlight on women who embody the traits that help us define our best selves, I am simply doing my job, AND I'm reminding you/myself that the Execumama journey IS totally feasible, and that thousands of women walk this path every day.

Check out Tammy von Nordheim's Execumama lifestyle, and just try to tell me she's not all kindsa FLY!

SADE Soldier of Love Giveaway WINNERS

Thank you for participating!! 

 

She was impartial and just.  Her decisions are final.  Enjoy!

DRUM ROLLLLLLL........

Teresha over at Marlie and Me

Kia over at the Progressive Parenting Network

Deneen over at Desperately Seeking Deals

Congrats, ladies!! I've sent your email addresses off to the media folks and they'll contact you for your mailing addresses. 

CONGRATULATIONS!! The CD is excellent!